TANIA ILYAS

(Scroll down for the English version)

Beberapa saat lalu saat sedang latihan tennis, aku dan Ni Manda duduk menunggu Chacha rally dengan coach. Ngobrol lah kami tentang liburan semesteran anak-anak akhir tahun 2025 kemarin.

“Wah uni nyobain ATV sama anak-anak lanang, terus rafting. Seru banget,” kata kakakku.

“Mba Sasha gimana kalau liburannya full fisik gitu?”

Sasha adalah anak sulung Ni Manda yang sudah berusia hampir 20 tahun tahun ini, dan kebetulan Mba Sasha gak terlalu menggemari kegiatan yang banyak memforsir fisik. Hobinya baca buku dan juga menggambar.

“Ya akhirnya di penginapan aja. Uni sediain camilan, makanan, dan buku-buku buat dia baca”

“Uni kalau liburan malah ga suka eksplor culture-nya, ya? Nia kalo ke satu kota suka cari toko buku, cari cultural experience-nya, atau sekedar kegiatan seni handmade yang ada kelasnya gitu”

“Anak-anak uni ga bakal seneng diajak yang gituan, justru kayaknya Mba Sasha bakal betah kalo liburannya ikut keluarga Anin (panggilan sayang keluarga ke aku)”

Pecahlah tawa kami pagi itu.

Hal ini membuatku berpikir. Memilih destinasi wisata aja setiap keluarga punya gaya dan prioritasnya masing-masing. Belum lagi kalau kita membicarakan soal pilihan les, sekolah, sampai gaya pengasuhan.

Lalu apa yang bisa menjadi faktor yang menentukan pilihan-pilihan itu ya? Mungkin nilai, mungkin aspirasi, yang tentunya sedikit banyak dipengaruhi persepsi dan pengalaman masing-masing pasangan orangtua.

Contohnya keluargaku. Aku dan Hafidz dipersatukan dan menjadi cocok karena kami suka bicara tentang manusia, literatur, kebudayaan. Tentunya kami ingin meneruskan minat-minat yang kami prioritaskan ini ke anak-anak. Syukur-syukur kalau sampai besar mereka memilih ini, karena berarti kami mungkin makin sering akan berkegiatan dan liburan bersama.

Lain halnya dengan keluarga Ni Manda. Ni Manda & Mas Dendy sama-sama orang yang aktif, keseharian mereka banyak diisi dengan berolahraga dan bergerak. Dengan dua anak laki-laki berusia 15 & 14 tahun yang sedang dalam puncak masa pertumbuhan, tentu kebutuhan keluarga untuk bergerak semakin tinggi. Mungkin mereka tidak akan se-excited keluarga kami kalau pergi ke museum, atau ikut kelas pottery, misalnya.

Ada lagi keluarga temanku yang kalau pergi ke suatu tempat baru selalu harus wisata kuliner dan belanja. Ajang liburan mereka gunakan untuk cafe-hopping, dan juga keluar masuk pusat perbelanjaan. Kenapa harus beli-beli? Karena menurut mereka, oleh-oleh berbentuk benda bisa lebih lama mengingatkan mereka pada momen kebersamaan. Ada juga yang suka mengoleksi printilan khas, seperti dokterku yang mengoleksi snow globe. Tak lupa titip satu khas Swedia sepulang aku dari sana tahun 2017 silam.

Apapun jenis liburannya, yang penting adalah waktu yang dihabiskan satu keluarga bersama menjadi core memory anak-anak yang penuh kebahagiaan dan keindahan.

Namun obrolan singkat itu sedikit banyak juga membuatku ingin menambah variasi dalam liburan keluarga kami. Mungkin ke depannya, saat Alya sudah sedikit lebih besar, kami seharusnya (dan idealnya) memberikan lebih banyak aktivitas fisik untuk mengoptimalkan pertumbuhannya. Dan nanti mungkin, saat Bagas sudah bisa lebih mandiri, agar motorik kasarnya juga lebih terstimulasi, kami harus banyak memaksanya ‘bergerak’.

Mungkin kami bisa mangadopsi frilutsliv ala Skandinavia dan reaping all the benefits at once: anak-anak bisa bebas bergerak, bereksplorasi, aku dan ayahnya bisa lebih low key menghabiskan waktu di alam. Kami semuanya bisa tadabbur alam dan belajar banyak dari apapun yang bukan man-made, ciptaan Satu Yang Maha Kaya.

---

A few weeks ago when we were playing tennis, Ni Manda and I were waiting for Chacha to finish her rally with our coach. While waiting, we talked about our last year-end holiday.

“My family had a blast playing ATV and rafting with my boys,” my sister said.

“How about Mba* Sasha—can she join a fully physical holiday like that?”
Context: Mba Sasha is my sister firs child, almost 20 years old now, and she doesn’t really enjoy physical activities. She prefers reading books and drawing.

“She ended up staying at the hotel. I prepared snacks and food, and a ton of books for her to read.”

“I guess your family doesn’t really fancy exploring the culture of a place during holidays. Me, when we travel, I always look for a bookstore, cultural experiences, even handmade classes.”

“My kids wouldn’t like that. I actually think Sasha would love going on holiday with your little family!”

We both laughed really hard.

That conversation made me think. Choosing a holiday destination really depends on each family’s style and priorities. The same preferences often show up again when choosing courses, schools, and even parenting styles.

So what makes a family opt for certain choices over others? It varies. It depends on values and aspirations, which are—one way or another—shaped by the parents’ own experiences and perceptions.

Take my nuclear family, for example. Hafidz and I both felt this marriage could work because we share the same interests in people, literature, and culture. Naturally, we want to pass those on to our kids. And if one day they decide those interests work for them too, that’s a bonus. It means we can spend more time together doing things we all enjoy.

It’s quite different from my sister’s family. She and her husband, Mas Dendy, are very active people. Their daily lives revolve around moving, exercising, and taking care of their bodies. Their two boys are 15 and 14—right in the peak growth phase, where movement is essential to stimulate development. They probably wouldn’t be as excited as my kids about going to a museum or joining a pottery class, for example.

I also have a friend who believes that wherever they go, culinary experiences and shopping are a must. Their holidays are all about café hopping and browsing stores or malls. Why shopping? Because they believe memories last longer when they’re manifested in physical objects. I even have a doctor friend who collects snow globes. Every time she travels, she looks for a snow globe that represents that place. I bought her one from Malmö back in 2017.

Whatever holiday style you choose, one thing is essential: make sure the time spent with your family is fun, meaningful, and memorable. For kids, these moments will become their core memories.

That short conversation also made me want to add more variety to our family’s holiday style. Maybe in the future, when Alya is a bit older, we should include more physical activities to support her growth. And maybe one day, when Bagas becomes more independent, we’ll need to encourage him to move more to stimulate his gross motor skills.

Perhaps we’ll adopt the friluftsliv way of life, popular in Scandinavian countries, and enjoy all the benefits at once. The kids can move and explore, while we parents enjoy a low-key, zen time in nature. We can do tadabbur alam—reflecting on nature—and learn so many things from spending time outdoors: things that are not man-made, but created by the one and only God Almighty.

*Mba is how we affectionately call a daughter or someone slightly older than us, as a sign of respect.